


Coming Undone

by Sookiestark



Series: Reveries at Riverrun [3]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-29 16:40:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12089064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sookiestark/pseuds/Sookiestark
Summary: Jaime and Brienne meet in the Lord Commander's tent while the Siege of Riverrun is about to be broken. Instead of immediately leaving to talk to the Blackfish, she eats some lunch..





	Coming Undone

It happens in the Lord Commander’s tent in the late morning. Before the stench of hundreds of men and horses, hunkered down in the space in front of Riverrun, fills all the space between the tents and presses down on them. The grass is still wet from dew and somewhere there is the smell of freshly roasted rabbit that was caught as dawn broke. Of course, all these are beyond the two of them. At this moment, there is just them

Somehow, there is so many things to be spoken and so little to say. Brienne of Tarth comes in the tent of the Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, armored with her honor, straight and sturdy like a sword. Standing before him, she is like a challenge, daring Jaime Lannister to accept who he really is, underneath the name, the title, the family, ties that bind him every day. There are few words to say, but they are loaded with volumes of feeling unable to be vocalized. There is no room in either of their worlds to say the words that should be spoken. They are two people, twisted into shape by the things they must do and the loyalties they have.

Brienne tries to give him back the sword he gave her so many months ago. Oathkeeper has become as much a part of her as her arm, her horse, her squire. But she will give it back, however reluctantly. Her quest is complete and she must return it. Even though, she will miss the weight of it against her, the weight of an oath between them, a promise.

Jaime is astonished that she has found Sansa and returned her to her bastard brother at the Wall. However, if anyone could fulfill an impossible quest, Brienne could do it with her stubborn will and unyielding chivalry. When she goes to untie the sword he gave her, his throat tightens and his heart aches. He stops her, “Keep it. It is yours. I am proud of you.” 

Brienne smiles her secret smile, as she basks in his praise. She goes to depart out of the tent and onto her next impossible quest. For the first time in his life, he wishes he was not a Lannister. He feels strange to think it since he has always clung to his name, his father's son, his sisters champion. Now, he feels it keeps him from her. It pushes her away.

 

Some Frey boy comes in to serve him his early lunch. He never can remember the boy’s name, even though he is his squire or page.

“Brienne, stay with me and eat some lunch. You must be tired and I have missed your company… You can eat and then go talk to the Blackfish... I don't think he has anywhere to go and he will wait for you while you eat lunch with me." 

It is a simple request that she will refuse.

He searches her eyes, bluest he has ever seen. She used to look at him like he was constantly trying to trick her or mock her. Her eyes are clear and see immediately what he is trying to do, to spend time with her, as forbidden as anything she could give him. Defiant and slightly angry at herself, she sits at the table. She scowls at his easy manner and looks hesitant.  
Jaime’s smile brightens, as she sits. “It's a chicken, Brienne... Not poison, I promise. I will take the first bite.” 

The Frey boy looks up at Brienne, curious at her size and who she is that the Lord Commander will eat with her, and hurries to get another plate. They sit at the table, him at the head and her to his right like this was a family table. A table at Casterly Rock. It is a sweet reverie and he allows himself the luxury the dream. After all, King’s Landing is far and Cersei is busy with Tommen. 

He wants to enjoy this chicken with her. And he does and is glad to. After all, he is a man who acts and relies on his good instincts.

Jaime pours the wine and they eat and drink. She is formal and awkward, but he is not. He tells her stories of the things he has done or seen since they have been apart. He makes her laugh and he smiles realizing how sweet her laughter is to him. 

She eats the chicken and the warm grease covers her lips. The wine is cool and fresh. She feels him put his left hand on hers, looking into her face like it is beautiful. The idea of it almost makes her laugh out loud. Almost. A long time she has been wanting someone to look at her softly like she is fragile and beautiful. 

Brienne feels lightheaded and everything seems slightly unreal, too sweet. It could be the wine in her stomach or the fact she has been eating much poorer fare on the road. It could be the table and the small talk with him, which is heady stuff to her. It is all as addictive and softly unreal, eating at a table, while he talks about trying to end the fighting between the Blackwoods and the Brackens or keeping the cost of bread down in King’s Landing, It could be the way his eyes look into her. 

She is certain that this will end bitter and yet right now it is so sweet. Just this one time.. she deserves this one thing. So, Brienne leans forward and kisses him. She realizes as they kiss that if life is sweet and there is time, she may feel this way again in the future. But she knows it will never be with him. 

Perhaps, she is cursed to love these lords and ladies all vying in the game of thrones, Renly, Jaime, Sansa. All twisting themselves to stay seated on top. What is wrong with her that she would love such people? Is there any honor in them? Because there is no honor in this game they play.

He responds immediately like he has been waiting all these years for her to kiss him. He cups her cheek and runs his tongue against hers. She moans a soft high note in the back of her throat at the intensity of it all. The noise makes him take her face in both his hands, one is cold metal and one is hard heat. They pull away to catch their breath.

She is flushed and it makes her eyes more bright. She speaks in a whisper, “What of your loyalty to the King’s mother?”

It is her polite way of reminding him of Cersei.

Jaime hasn’t been physical with her in months. Cersei is drowning in wine and hate and has become more a monster than the woman he loved so fiercely in secret for decades. Or maybe Cersei has always been a monster and how he saw her was a dream he created for himself. 

“Fuck loyalty…” he says to her. “I am yours. I dreamed of you once. I dream of you still….”

It is a lie that he speaks to her. She knows it. He knows it, but maybe underneath there is truth to it. Maybe underneath the sigils and houses, stripped free from all the ties that bind, he is hers and she is his. He did dream of her and he dreams of her still.

It feels true to her. Who understands her more than him? When he is near, her body calls to his, like a current in the sea.

He brushes against her cheek with his golden hand. She grabs his arm and looks directly at him, “ Take this off.”

Without question, he unties it. It falls to the ground with an ugly thump

She likes him better without his hand. Brienne remembers bathing him when he was sick and feverish, helping wash his hair, baiting him to keep eating so he could kill those who had hurt him. She remembers the stink of the rot and the pain in his eyes. She remembers the loss. It was when she began to like him when he was injured and broken like her and all the rest of the world. Less golden and more tarnished.  
Taking his hand off is a start to them tearing at each other's clothes and armor. They are fumbling with laces and straps, buckles and belts, and so much metal. Each piece comes off with laughter and relief. Not just metal and leather but all the barriers and armor they put on to protect themselves every day. They are kissing frantically as if they will be interrupted. Brienne looks to the opening of the tent, “What of Pod? Of your man..” 

“If Bronn or any man interrupts us, I will kill him.”

He pushes her behind the screen where the bed is. He thinks of the restless night he spent here in the darkness. 

When she lifts off her tunic and he pulls off his pants, they are finally naked. There is so much release to be naked with her finally in the quiet of his tent, away from the world. To spend hours kissing her untouched, yet bruised flesh, would be too short, but they do not have the luxury of time, not now, not for them. 

Jaime has her face in his palm and he is between her strong long legs. His stump is by her waist. It makes him feel vulnerable and unmanly and he is haunted over the disdain that Cersei’s face would make when she would see it. Brienne takes it in her right hand and squeezes as if it was still a good right hand. Jaime opens her legs with his left. 

Surely, she deserves gentleness, and he a man, who will never marry, could treat her like his bride just for this short time. Just this once. 

He presses kisses against her face and neck. She sighs and he feels her breath catch. It makes him hot and hard. 

He kisses her lips and her neck. She draws his face to her lips and kisses them. “You taste like wine and chicken,” she says to him as he looks at her.  
He gently kisses her again. “You are so romantic, Brienne. Let your thoughts go and be with me.”  
She laughs against his cheek and he is smiling at how easy it is to be here in his bed with her.  
He licks her small breasts. She arches her back when he softly bites her nipple. She is slowly coming undone for him like a knot. He wants to spend days learning how to untie her.

He licks her belly and goes to taste her. He wants to see her writhe. When he kisses her lower, she grabs his head reflexively and brings his mouth back to hers. 

He pushes in against her body. Her tightness is all around him. He stops for a minute and takes a deep breath with his eyes closed.  
Her voice breaks his breathing, “Jaime..”  
He opens his eyes at the sound of her voice. Her big eyes look troubled because he has stopped as if she has done something wrong. “Shh... You feel so good is all. I need to catch my breath.”

She smiles and he kisses her shoulder, freckled and hard. He pushes into her and her breath catches. It is a sweet sound and he pushes deeper to hear it again. 

Hot and panting. The word is undone. She is undone. Before it ever started, there would never be time or space for this outside this tent. She thinks on how many hours of her life she has spent wasted on nothing. She would trade them all for one night. Instead, they have less than a half an hour. 

It doesn’t take long. 

“You feel so good,” he says against her face, breathless. She feels her body tighten almost painfully but so sweet.  
“Jaime..” she whispers, as he comes with her.

He holds her for a moment. “Brienne..” he says as he kisses her forehead. He wishes briefly that he knew how to love someone properly. He is as broken on the outside as on the inside.

“Take care,” he says as he kisses her strong back. She has turned from him immediately. She begins putting her clothes and armor back on. He hands her a towel and looks at the sheet. The maiden’s blood is there with his seed. He feels regret. He knew she was a virgin. He thought with all the horse riding and sword fighting, surely, she wouldn't bleed. 

What can he say? She knew and came willingly. He is the Lord Commander of the Kingsguard and entirely the creature of the Queen Mother. He breathes out deeply and looks at her guiltily. Avoiding his eyes entirely, she takes the towel that she has wiped herself clean and places it as a covering over the blood and sets to the task of dressing.

Jaime kisses the crown of her head and sets to the task of helping her put her armor back on.

They work together in silence. She looks apologetic and he feels guilty that he can never love someone right. 

Brienne thinks to herself of Sansa and her desperate need. Immediately, she feels like she has betrayed her by allowing herself these few moments, while the Starks are in such desperate times. 

Jaime takes her chin and forces her attention to him. “You are lovely.. Truly. If anything comes of this, I would take care of it and you.”  
She reddens and looks incredibly uncomfortable. She speaks, barely a whisper, “I hadn't thought..”  
“Probably won't, but in case,  
She speaks embarrassed and hoping to shift the subject. She is leaving him and he cannot stop her. “Ser Jaime, I have a long day ahead and Lady Sansa needs her uncle and his men.”

 

He speaks, “I won't keep you from your task any longer.”

For a second, he thinks about leaving with her to head North, never going back to King's Landing, the shit hole and Cersei. But then who would teach and guide Tommen. He needed to get back for his last surviving child.

She walks out of his tent. He hopes not to have to see her on the wrong side of a battle.

Later, he will see her in the dawn, silently paddling up the river away from him. She lifts her hand to wave, her large hand as big as his own and so lovely. 

 

Months later, she will spit the words he spoke to her at him in the Dragonpit, while his sister watches them with malicious curiosity. 

All along the Kingsroad, he will hear the words, as he rides north to her.

The words, spoken and unspoken, will lay curling about him like brown leaves in the winter air..

I dreamed of you once. I dream of you still.

When he hears them swirling about him like dead leaves, they catch fire in the embers of his dying heart and they burn bright.

**Author's Note:**

> I just want to say there are so many great Jaime and Brienne stories out there-- I decided to write a short one myself. Hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
